Unplanned or Unassisted?

‘For my first birth I was the atypical first time parent. I wanted and did everything - a waterbirth, skin to skin, rooming in, and I got none of that. When my baby was separated from me for the first 24 hours, I felt that it was so wrong and discharged myself and the baby as soon as I could.

For my second birth, I had a home birth, and everything was amazing including tandem nursing.

This time around my circumstances are different. I am divorced, financially unable and this pregnancy is truly an accident yet I just want a home birth.’

~

She was in the shower when I arrived. The house was quiet even with her 2 year old quietly observing what was going on, and her sister babysitting as they waited in the bedroom together with me. When she finally came out, I could tell that it was time to transfer to the hospital as planned, however she could barely walk. I managed to move her out of her bedroom when she started breathing her baby down and I knew this baby was coming, so I asked her sister for towels as she followed her body and breathed her baby down. All of us were watching as she breathed deeply and quietly. The only sounds that emerged were the cries of a newborn baby as I passed baby to her to reclaim.

Without words and with a quiet understanding, we always knew she was going to have an unplanned home birth as it has always been her dream. I was the one who wasn’t listening, her intent had always been clear.

A couple of years later, her sister did the same with me. In the same corridor, I had another baby fall onto my hands, under the guise of ‘unplanned’.

~

Tears welled up in her eyes when I told her ‘Its your birth, you can do whatever you want. You have done it before, and I can tell that you believe in your body’s ability to do this again. Yet being single, you need the support. I get that. Maybe I can get someone to help you as I have helped her and her sister. She was also single, was not able to afford a home birth and all she wanted was the opportunity to give birth peacefully and that meant having an unplanned home birth. And I was there for her through it all. Maybe she can help you.’

~

‘It’s not in my policy to support unplanned home births’, as if a door just slammed in front of me. I get that however all I can think about was how I helped you when you needed it, and now someone else is needing what you needed.